


i love you so much when i shouldnt love you at all

by orays



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: M/M, its like 5 in the morning, louis is sad, more than literal dealing with the problem, thought rambling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:25:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orays/pseuds/orays
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>harry cheated 6 months ago and louis is trying to get over it</p>
            </blockquote>





	i love you so much when i shouldnt love you at all

harry has pretty eyes

 

louis gets lost in them

very often

and he thinks about pushing harry against a wall

and doing certain things to him

a lot

but he cant

 

he doesn't trust him

thats not the

only reason

but

he just

cant

its like, his penis is saying "yes" but the rest of his body is repelling

and louis is so, so confused

he doesn't know what to do

he doesn't want harry to leave him

but he has this

constant fear

that he will

or

that he'll cheat

again

 

he's still fucking friends

with the guy

anyways

 

that says enough, louis thinks

but here he is

 

still

mid fucking panic attack

because of

harry

fucking

styles

 

so he goes

sits outside

and lights a cig

because thats the only thing

he knows

how to do

it's comforting; in a way

louis doesn't think it should be

he thinks,

theres a reason people call them cancer sticks

he smokes 3 more

 

harry brings it up,

the fact that he doesnt get any

and louis almost punches him

right then and there

"don't you get enough from your blonde boy toy?"

harry leaves for the night

louis thinks he deserves better

thinks

but harry

is so perfect

his entire being

is perfect

louis sees no literal flaws,

if you minus the fact that hes a cheater

 

 

when liam found out, 

he refused to even glance at harry for weeks

 

and louis felt bad

he shouldnt of

he should of been angry

 

but

liam was harrys rock

whether he knew it or not

and he was refusing to talk to him

 

and louis just felt reallyreally bad

 

fuck liam

 

for being a good friend

 

 

fuck

 

louis shouldnt of even got upset when he found out

 

it was basically shoved

in his face

the

 

whole

 

time

but

he has never taken hints very well

ever

 

harry came back

he always comes back

but he might not

 

because hes young and attractive and has thousands of people he could be with

and hes with louis

 

and louis doesnt like that because hes louis

 

compared to all these models and talented people hes no one and it sucks, he thinks

he hates harry

not really

 

but he likes to say he does, to his face

more than anything

 

"i hate you"  
"no you dont"  
"dont say that"  
"dont say that, louis"  
"louis"  
"LOUIS"

he liked the way harry got worried

it was nice

 

 

for a change

harry has really pretty eyes

 

and louis really likes to get lost in them

 

its nice

 

but

 

harry always looks sad

 

and that makes louis sad

 

its not fair, he thinks

that harry gets to be sad

that harry gets to make him feel bad when its harrys fault and not his

but he doesn't even know anything

he knows he likes cigs

 

though

 

they dont cheat on him

 

 

they dont make him feel worthless

 

so he spends the night listening to heavy metal and chain smoking

 

amazing, he thinks

 

hes also pretty sure

 

that harry has ruined him

 

completely

 

like

 

he doesnt want to do anything

 

he just wants to smoke and lie in bed

 

fuck harry

fuck everyone

fuck the world

and fuck that fucker he fucked fuck

 

 

fuck fuck fuck

 

louis likes the word fuck, too

 

 

he doesnt like confrontation

 

and he learned that wonderful piece of information

 

when he was young and

 

stole a pack of crayons from the kid that sat across from him

 

he cried when the teacher walked up to him

 

and gave her the crayons

 

so, louis doesnt like confrontation, in any form

 

 

 

he was laying in bed

 

and heard the door close

 

 

 

and the footsteps toward his.. their room

 

heard the clothes drop to the floor and felt him get into bed

 

he tensed when harry put his arms around his waist

 

harry sighed

 

and louis wanted to cry

 

 

 

he woke up to the smell of bacon

 

and he thought it was sweet

 

 

but he would have to sit in the same room

 

with harry

 

and eat

 

together

 

in the same room

 

awake

 

and sober

 

 

so he did what any normal person would do

 

he walked into the bathroom

 

locked the door

 

and turned the water on as hot as it would go

 

and stood under it

 

louis is not very bright

 

because he seemed to forget

that there is

a master key, for every room

in their damn flat

and a little while later, harry was dragging him out of the shower

 

 

louis very much enjoys getting lost in harrys eyes

 

 

 

they still don't talk and louis is completely content with it (not really)

because he misses his boyfriend and he misses being cute with him and going places

and being

loved

but he doesn't feel that and he wants to

so he gets on his laptop and gets off to porn, because that's always an amazing way to deal with problems, louis thinks

 

 

liam texts him.

 

"Heyyyyy just checking up on uuu havent talked in a while are things with harry okay? x x x"

"I want to die I hate Harry fuck him let's fuck liam"

he didn't respond

so louis turned his phone off

because anyone that really cared could come to his damn flat and talk to him face to face (he thinks he's being a little picky as his family doesn't exactly live nextdoor but whatever hes a grown ass man fuck everybody)

 

 

 he's angry because he cant go anywhere without having harry shoved in his face.

literally

harrys shit is everywhere in their flat

and everything everywhere reminds louis of harry someway

its annoying and louis doesnt like it

he wishes looks could kill because everything everywhere would be fried

hes just 

angry

and he deserves to be

it doesnt matter if it was 6 months ago, or 6 years

because it still happened

and something tore louis out of his thought stream 

 

"we really need to talk about this"

"why?"

"because, louis, you're not okay" 

louis laughed at that because

who is harry

to decide whether he's okay or not? 

he tried to walk away 

but he was stopped by rough hands on his shoulder 

"i'm serious, what do you want me to do? i'll do it. i'll move out"

"i never said i wanted you to"

"you act like it"

louis scoffed, "let me go, harry"

and he did

so louis walked in their room

flopped down onto their bed

and inhaled the smell of harry

this is easier, he thinks

i'll just stay here

forever

like this

 

 

 

 

he listens to how to be a heartbreaker

 

and wishes he was like that

 

 

because fuck emotions

 

and fuck harry styles 

 

 

 

 

"theres nothing more i want, except to be alone"

 

he wishes harry would have gotten that lyric

 

out of louis replaying the song about 20 times

but he's still trying

and louis kinda feels bad

 

kinda

 

 

 

"talk to me, baby"

harry was behind him with his arms draped over louis' shoulders

and he whispered, fucking whispered into louis ear

and louis hates him

so much

but he also wants to fuck him until he cries

so

he 

talks

 

"i hate you"

"no you don't"

"yeah"

 

"dance with me?"

"okay"

 

so

he danced with harry

to this say my name / cry me a river mashup

that louis had to admit, was pretty good

and he enjoyed it

he enjoyed being in harrys arms and being close to him

 

 

louis thinks harry has really pretty eyes

and he often 

likes to get lost in them


End file.
